Marital Uncertainty (ch11)

Chapter 11 MacNamara/Donnely 

Michan looked lost as he watched Almaith and the horse drawn cart disappear over the hill. They had just had their tearful goodbye before she left for the school that was at least two days travel away.

As he hugged her goodbye his body tensed up in a subconcious effort to try to keep her from leaving. He thought for a split second of telling her he had changed his mind and that she was to stay, but he knew this was the best thing that could ever happen to her, so he let go. He knew she was growing up and thought he had prepared himself enough for it, but after the conversation he had had with Patrick it seemed as though Michan had overestimated his willingness to let Almaith grow up.  

Patrick had finally found the nerve to speak with Michan about their relationship and how it had grown past the friend stage, and proceeded to ramble his way through a long, nervous conversation. It was Patrick’s bungling attempt to ask for Almaith’s hand. Michan caught on and tried to ease Patrick’s anxious state by calmly consenting to the betrothal. 

To his surprise, Michan did not react the way Patrick imagined he would, he simply smiled and nodded his head a few times while smiling in approval. However, he did make Patrick promise to take care of Almaith while they were so far away from home. He could tell Michan was very serious for it wasn’t just a passing comment. Michan’s eyes were blazing and Patrick thought he saw tears forming. After Michan’s emotional plea, he told Patrick verbally that he would agree to their betrothal, and how happy he was to have someone like him to care for his daughter. 

Upon seeing his joyous reaction, Patrick ran to find Almaith and for a moment was a bit reluctant to inform her of the news. He was scared that he may see disappointment in her eyes rather than elation. To his delight, Almaith reacted as he had hoped. She was equally as excited, and they spent the rest of the day talking about the school they would attend and their future. However, there was a small part of Almaith that felt hesitant to make their plans so final but swore she would never make it known to anyone. She concluded that it probably had to do with the attention she had been receiving from Cole O’Flattery, an attention she thought she would never be given by such a prominent boy in the kingdom. 

Ryanne was at the cottage when Alamith left for the school. She knew Michan would need someone his first evening alone in the cottage. It tore her up to see how badly he was taking her leaving and was glad that she could be the one there for him. Almaith was also thankful that Ryanne was with him. She was anxious to embark on this new experience, but she was worried about her father as well. She knew she was all he had, and ever since her mother had died they clung to one another out of necessity. She was quite worried about his general needs such as eating since it was Almaith who had cooked all those years. She worried about the loneliness of the cottage as well, a feeling she had to get used to whenever her father would be gone for a few days working. The only reason she was even able to leave her father was the notion that Ryanne would be there for him. Almaith knew she would brighten his days and make sure that he was doing okay.

When she had found out that Patrick was going to the school as well it sealed the deal for her. She was apprehensive at first, but knowing that she would have him with her made the uneasy feelings dissipate. Her initial worries were that she would be there alone without anyone she knew because she was certain that the young people she knew from the village would not be getting this opportunity. 

The afternoon following her leaving was hard on Michan. He was so grateful that Ryanne had come over to prepare dinner for them. He didn’t think he could bear sitting at the table alone that very first night.  

As they ate their supper Michan came to realize how much he had come to depend on Ryanne. With Eamon gone, and the village gossip diminishing, the two of them were able to spend a great deal of time together. Ryanne had adjusted to living without Eamon and finally looked to the future optimistically rather than learning to endure it, a future she was fairly sure included Michan and Almaith. 

They sat at the table in a comfortable silence, the only sound was Ciaren playing with Almaith’s dog, so Michan reached out to grasp Ryanne’s hand and the usual spark he felt when he touched her was there.

He really loved Ryanne but couldn’t bring himself to talk with her about the possibility of marriage yet. He thought it may be too soon after Eamon’s death, and he had always felt slightly bothered by the notion that he couldn’t offer her the life she was used to. Another concern which troubled him lately was an ache of guilt that had recently developed when he thought of his late wife. He didn’t know what to do since he had a feeling that Ryanne may be getting impatient. 

“I love holding hands with you.” Ryanne said as she squeezed his strong hand.  

“That is good to hear, you have the most lovely hands I have ever held.” He said with a smile as he kissed the top of her hand softly. 

“How are you feeling about Almaith being gone? If you want I could stay the night and we could have breakfast together in the morning.” She asked hoping he would agree, the thought of her empty house was discouraging. 

“You have the shop to run tomorrow don’t you?” He replied. 

“I can be late, it practically runs itself. I have hired some responsible workers to help me manage it. It is pretty hard to run a business and raise a toddler at the same time.” She explained thinking that this may be the perfect segue into the conversation she had planned to have with him when she found the nerve. 

“I wish I could be more help to you Ryanne. Actually tomorrow I need to be up at dawn to work at the Meyer’s farm. We are hauling hay, my back will be very sore tomorrow evening that is for sure. You can stay the night in Almaith’s bed but I am afraid we won’t be able to have a lengthy breakfast together.” 

“Michan, could I please talk to you about something that has been on my mind?” She said bravely without wavering. 

“Of course.” He answered with the  feeling that he knew what she was going to bring up. He only wished that he wasn’t so cowardly as to bring it up himself. 

“Well I have been thinking about the shop lately, wondering what I should do with it and if I could even handle it by myself.” She paused to think of the next sentence and decided to just be as open as she needed to be. 

“I think I know what you are saying Ryanne and let me say this first. I have been thinking about us for a while now as well. I have been putting off this conversation lately for what I feel are foolish reasons…” He began to say as she interrupted. 

“What reasons Michan? You can tell me.” She replied with a nervous smile. 

“Well there are a few, but I…I am worried about your life being changed because I cannot provide you with what you are used to Ryanne. I cannot give you fine wares and tapestries I can barely put decent food on the table…” 

She again interrupted. “Michan I was thinking that perhaps you could run the shop with me after we marry, that way we can live comfortably and you won’t have to work so hard. I hate the thought of you hauling hay all day.” 

Michan didn’t know what to say or feel. He hadn’t given any thought to living on the profits from the business Eamon started, for some reason it didn’t seem right to him. “Ryanne, the thought is a good one but can I do such a thing? That was Eamon’s business and I was the person who ended his life, it may have been accidental but I am ultimately responsible. I just don’t think I could take everything he worked for.” He explained slowly and methodically. 

“I didn’t think to see it that way. I understand what you are saying and I wish there was another way. I am responsible for the shop, I have put time into it as well. I couldn’t just walk away.” She replied with sadness in her voice. 

“Maybe it is too soon to be making decisions. It’s only been two months since everything happened. Let’s think a while, I am sure in time we’ll figure out the best way to handle all of this.” He said with a small smile, once again kissing her hand reassuringly while looking into Ryanne’s pained eyes.